So You Think You Got Balls?

yea don’t read on if your easily  offended … No  Seriously  Stop  if you are politically correct or  have a lack of humour  … and do  not come crying to  me if  you  still  read on .. So Miss Couldbe Yue thew me a gauntlet and I,  being  The Lady,  had to go and pick it up, cos I grew up in a home with a piano and I  do  have manners … err… somewhere, my mum would be so  proud of me right now, honest she would!! This all  started cos I  had to shoot off me big mouth  (no I  know it don’t surprise you one bit but I’m  saying it anyway) on Twitter. I was being my usual cheeky self and shot of  a Tweet  saying “I need a man with balls” .. or something to that effect. So among  the ones that  reacted  (all  females I’m sad to say .. no men with balls on  Twitter it looks like) was Miss Couldbe Yue. We had some fun with it and I  did think about what  a blog post could be like but  busy busy me  .. mooooving on ….  So  I  wake up the morning after, fires up the comp and logs in on my Twitter among other  nonsense and find a Tweet from  Miss Couldbe Yue with a link to her blog …. Wanted: A man with Balls … I  almost choked .. no  not really  but  I  thought “Oh crap  … now  I’m in  big DooDoo”

Well so this is it …. Wanted: A Man With Balls aka “I’m so lazy  I  don’t wanna go over this shit  man by  man  in manual mode I’ll just make a blog on what I want and who  I  am ” (any interested parties  please read below  to  save everyone the hassle)

  • I drink tea NOT coffee. No  I wont make you  coffee just cos you tell  me to .. I  might make it while I’m in the kitchen anyway. Any exception to this would be you  having legs and arms broken. Fail to  understand that  might or might not result in said broken stuff
  • No I don’t think talking about sex 24/7/36something is fascinating. I grew up in a country  that were the first to legalise porn. The novelty factor has really  worn  out now. Sex is wonderful and nice and so is experimenting(see further down) but  if your brain can’t handle other type of conversations (conspiracy theories don’t count btw) we might not be compatible  cos I do have a brain  larger than a dried pea.
  • I live in a virtual world a lot of my time. Now if you’re dropping by from the Physical  realm  I’m in that  also. My  virtual  life is as important to me as my  physical one. Cant accept that? ..  Moooooving on now yes.. door is that way and no  I  wont open it for you. Please see coffee explanation in  first point above.
  • Zodiacsign: Cancer.. Warning warning danger ahead !!! I’m not kidding you  here .. we are prone to  our moods..  will  swing  so much your head will spin. See  not only  balls are needed but also a strong neck  and solid backbone. I  searched  Ebay and didn’t  find any spare one there. I think you  need to  be born  with it  .. feel  free to try to prove me wrong.
  • Sickbag alert: Manly men ..  oh  please give me a break ..  There is more male  in Boy Georges  little finger tip that  in any  of those manly men. Men with  make up: Check. Straight men with make up: Pounce!! “what are you trying to tell us, Lady?” Lor  if you don’t know  the good lord didnt bless you with  much  intelligence did he now. Aw poor baby, bless. You think you  can  find the door on your own ?
  • Psst .. tell  you a secret ..  yes .. come closer …. Whispers “I  do belive in the bible” .. of shock, horror, is she kidding us now? Nope not one bit. I do come from a long line of atheist. My  grandfather almost chucked the  poor minister out the door when  his brother died (I  has round 7 at the time  and remember feeling sorry for the poor man and I told my  grandfather  that he should be nice to  him). Now my  family is a long list of oddballs so they  accepted  that I had my  faith  so  lesson I  learnt  was to  be accepting of  people’s beliefs. Result:  all  my  boyfriends/fiancée has been  atheist. Why?: cos I don’t  care  what faith you  have as long as you accept mine. If you don’t .. “Now see that  square thing over there ? ..  Thats a good boy!” As in all   matters of life we use common sense ok?
  • Kiddies ..  YAY  for them  ..  well meaning  yes I  ´have em .. two  in fact ..  boys ..  one of age and one not of age. Both  have autism, number two  thought he’d  mess with  mums mind even  more and presented me with  ADHD and language development  difficulties as well. Yay for me, thanks smooch I owe you one!. Well  hence my kids I’m stuck where I am. Meaning country. I  can’t move and  not to  sure I  would want to anyways .. which leads me to  the next point
  • POLITICS ..  yes  have those also … I’m a socialist, old-fashioned one (now if your from north america: No! Socialism does not mean  communism. We have wonderful inventions nowadays called *Books* you should try em out and I’m sure God  gave you  that brain to  use  not just  to weigh you down) Marx would have  just loved me. Not cos I would agree with him automatically cos anyone that knows me  know I  don’t  function that way  but  more cos I  wouldn’t agree with  him  on everything and  most likely I  would argue with him a lot.
  • Pro pro pro … gay..  ecology.. basically I’m a gay  tree  if you like. No  I don’t sleep  with  women, stop  that insane drooling *sighs* I’m as straight as they  come *now stop looking so  disappointed  and take that finger of your speed dial* I defends anyones right to  be what they are and I defend the  environment cos that environment  belongs to my  kids!  Basicly  if you’re not hurting others go for it mate! and the rest of you  whiners. Build a rocket and  go away.
  • Weakness: *British boys with  makeup that don’t give a damn  and  can wear a skirt as well as a suit and still look hawt* “Check please, I  think  I just  got pulled”
  • “So you think your biceps make my  panties all  *cough, cough* ” Yea maybe NOT so much. I don’t really fancy  digging  half an  hour to find your  play stick either ..  so sui me! Is it really  to much  to  ask  that men   keep a bit trim as well? No don’t answer that, on  second thought ..  yea do  answer that!  You showing disrespect to your body   shows me your liable to show me disrespect.. see why  I  wouldn’t go there ?
  • Breaks out in song (cover your ears for the singing part, trust me on this) “FOOD, FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOOOOOD”  I  love food. I  love thinking about it, love eating it, love making it, love buying it, love talking about it. If I show signs from diverting  from any  of that you can  be damn  sure I’m  really  low!
  • Tattoos? Got em, want more! Much much more! Ink me up  Baby! Piercings? Come near me with that needle and  you put your unborn kids in danger !
  • Reads a lot. Whats that? You read the cereal boxes and books on how to become rich ? Yea no, don’t think so *rolls eyes* My books are dear to me like  my kids. Now I havent counted them recently  but if I remember correctly  I was round 400 at last count. Thats not counting my cookbooks. Needless to  mention  but  you know those guys you hire when you move homes? Yea they don’t really like me much. I’m a controlled horder. I  keep all my mums old stuff in storage (cos I  don’t have a house that’s big  enough, in fact I currently  live in a flat, gah  read further down)
  • So let’s get this over ..  did you think I  had forgotten? Nah just  I  get bored if I talk  to much about it ..  Yeap that’s right ..  we are now on the sex part ..  aww bless I  see those stars in your eyes. You  might  wanna read on  so you wont get to disappointed. As mentioned I  do like it, it’s just not the biggest deal  to  me. Mebbe cos  I find that  most men  are down right boring in that department. Boring sex = “Id rather not thanks sweets. I  might give you a BJ if I feel  like it and you took out the trash  and didn’t get to  much  on  me nerves today.” I’m to old to pretend anymore just to  sooth some  ego  that don’t deserve it anyway. Sex is like food, you  need variety  or  you’ll  puke well I  will anyway, if your fine with  eating  sarnies  morning, noon, night,  go for it mate just don’t bother me, k?
  • I’m not the princess nope.. I’m the  Empress! See the princess grew up and found no   prince charming .. hang on is that Adam Ant over there ..  will  be right back …….. & ………. & …………. Oook  back ..  wasnt him  but  had to check  just incase ya know!  So where were I ? ..  Oh  yea  that infamous prince. Now most princes  grow up and becomes Kings  but  as said  I  didn’t  trip over any  princes (trust me I  keep tags on  the exes just so  I  can kick myself if they go all Kingly`ish) So  the princess  decided that she  would / could do  it herself ..  and voila ..  The Empress was born *whistles and points to  self* Ok I admit  might not be a rich and famous  Empress but non the less.
  • I love laughing, if I don’t laugh at with you  its cos your really not funny. I  have humor, I’ve been told I’m funny, dunno  bout that, I still say they are laughing at me not with me. Anyway  I read  some study that claimed men are scared of funny women, cos those women apparently  comes across as strong and assertive. Men  feels emasculated around  funny  women. Ok so  maybe I’m  funny  after all  *winks* Aside from  my own homeland humour  english  humour just kills me!
  • Kitchen is mine ..  I  might  let you  in  now and then. We can  make some  food and drink a glass of good chilled white wine. I’ll tell you  what to do  cos your on  my  turf. Les I’m  tired and  then I’ll  ask  you  to  make  the dinner tonight. No its my  day  off, I  wont do the dishes.
  • Age!? Dunno  what your on about. Lets skip this part yea?
  • Animals, Cats are the favorites. I like other animals as well. Dont see the  reason in  having reptiles  but  to each  their own. No I wont play with your snake (less its attached to your body  then   we can  talk about it) or spiders  etc.
  • Music is food for the soul. I’m totally Devoted to Duran Duran  and has been since 1983. That don’t mean  I don’t  love other  artists as well in many  if not all  musically categories. Listening to  just one type of music is depriving the soul  IMO.
Long list I know and it could be even  longer!
Some random thoughts:
Been on  dating sites once upon a time and  thinking back   I saw  certain  criteria that people put up. Fair enough. Just asking for  partners without baggage and  for the potential  partner to be an [opponent] Just rings badly in my  ears. Wouldnt you want a partner to  be your equal? Ever think what the word “Partner”  really means?  I tire fast when people try to play games, might be fun  for five minutes  but seriously we are not getting younger and it’s just really  a waste of time. No Baggage? Exactly how old  should your potential  partner be?  Have you tried looking for one  around the monasteries? There might be a run-away  you can  snatch  up  there ? Yea  Every one and their uncle, sister, or any family member has some sort of baggage. That is what  moulds people. Baggage = Experience.
As mentioned I  love music and I  love intelligent lyrics, be it they are  complex and / or to the point and concise.
Here is a few examples that will  also  add to the point (yes here’s the lazy  part of me peeking though, why  write something that’s already  been  written?)
See I can  be romantic some times 
Something more on the lighter side
Something from the WordWizard himself, Mister Simon LeBon. No one comes close to his way  of writing. Always deep and profound and highly intelligent
I’ll leave you with these words and I wont  just ask you  if you  have got balls  but also  if you  have the spine to  carry  those?
2 Responses to “So You Think You Got Balls?”
  1. Couldbe Yue says:

    My only comment is that I hate a man who looks better in make up than I do 😉

    /me starts to muse on my next blog post in support of your quest.

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